I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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