What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
