mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
