Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
