he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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