we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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