went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
