i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
