he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
