I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
