is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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