he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
