she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sex in a hospital.. check
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
