I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
