I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
