Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
