I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
