My room smells like vodka and shame
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
