I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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