just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize