I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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