i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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