Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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