he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
