she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My vagina just recognized that song.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wear drunk well.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
