I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
