Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
