I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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