Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
