I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
