The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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