My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
