Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I need to align my fucking chakras
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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