i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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