shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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