Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
