I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So vagazzling was a success
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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