I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
