it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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