Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
