My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
