Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
