I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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