I'm jealous of your bromance
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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