i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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