omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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