nut hugger
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
