Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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