mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
