this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We left an ass print on the piano.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
